Sometimes You Have To Say "Fuck It."

Today I wanted to talk to someone in particular who I admire about a low point I had in my life. 

That person was Marc Randazza, First Amendment Badass and He Who Swears As An Art Form.  

Applying certain techniques I’ve learned recently, I sought out and obtained Marc’s personal email.  I politely told him I was going through a bit of a rough spot, and would love to speak with him about how he handled one in his life.  I composed the email with nothing but respect. 

One minute later I’m on the phone with none other than Marc Fucking By God Randazza. 

“I was sitting at my desk, and saw your email, and thought now was as good a time as any.” 

I took the call in another room because I wanted the experience of cursing with Marc Randazza while discussing an issue concerning a business deal where I got screwed out of three grand. 

Marc did as Marc does, which is put the entire item into perspective I want to discuss. 

“Some times you have to say “Fuck it.” 

And that concept alone was worth the entire phone call.  I was so focused on the three grand that I’d lost in this deal and how pissed and ready to pick a fight I was with this company and the bastards that are there and Marc put it into sheer, clear perspective. 

“You’re wallowing in your own self pity over three grand.” 

Who the fuck was I to wallow in pity over three grand?  Yes, it’s a substantial sum of money right now, but by wasting my energy over thinking about people who screwed me out of money I wasn’t doing the things I would be doing: working on my new projects, going to the gym, cooking dinner for my kids, and writing. 

And Marc did a great service to me by pointing that out.  I was wallowing in self-pity, and no man worthy of respect needs to ever get in that spot.  That’s when you know someone’s a legit guy you can trust.  The moment they call you out on your shit because they want you to see it. 

But that statement, “Sometimes you have to say “Fuck It” is worth considering.  Yeah, I lost $3,000 at a time when that was money to pay bills.  Was it really worth letting someone control my own emotions, my own time, and my own new-found life direction by wasting time and energy on their bullshit?  It wasn’t.  In this case, the best thing to do was say “Fuck it” and walk off, knowing that tomorrow I’ll be working on new things, writing for Fault Lines, and delving into more projects. 

Where am I going with all this?  Simple. You will get screwed at some point.  You will get mad about it. You will then do a cost-benefit analysis to see if it’s worth picking a fight, or whether it’s best to say “fuck it” and walk on. 

And when you say “Fuck it,” and you do it sincerely, you are released from those negative emotions and freed to get the work done as you please.  I went back and cooked dinner for my kids.  I went to the gym and banged out some sets.  I came home and had my focus to do a book review and write.  I’m going to go play with my son in a minute and think about the next book I want to read.

Sometimes, saying “Fuck It” is the most empowering mantra you can have. 

Book Review: "Danger and Play: Essays on Masculinity" by Mike Cernovich

My wife and I were out looking at a house today while one of my legit friends who refers to himself as a “multifaceted redneck” was examining the home for any deficiencies.  I had my nose down on my iPhone, reading heavily and using a stylus to highlight certain passages. 

“What are you reading?” asked the realtor. 

“It’s a book called “Danger and Play: Essays on Masculinity.”

“I don’t think I would want to read a book of essays on masculinity.”

“That’s fine, and from what I gather, Mike Cernovich wouldn’t care if you did.”

I’ve made no bones about telling all those who will listen “Gorilla Mindset” stopped me from committing suicide.  Going through the complete “brain reboot” of that book put me in a place where people who know me honestly wouldn’t recognize my mental or emotional state right now, and if you go through the book, follow the principles in the Gorilla Mindset, and commit to it, you will live a better life. 

“Danger and Play: Essays on Masculinity” takes the foundation that is “Gorilla Mindset” and gives those who dare open its pages additional insight into aspects of the reader’s life they never knew existed.  I’d further posit that if “Gorilla Mindset” were a well-constructed house, “Danger and Play” is an expertly-crafted extension on that house. 

Yes, there are parts of the book that will make people cringe and say “Oh Mike is discussing pickup artist material.  What a douchebro.” Yes, because those are subjects he thought about on a certain occasion and knew men wanted to hear them.  He doesn’t give a shit what you think.  The “Masculinity” section is geared to a world that doesn’t want men to be men, and Mike fearlessly approaches his thoughts on masculinity from the same focus that he always has: his own. 

If you keep reading (and you should), then you will learn ways to build solid friendships and keep them.  Mike will teach you his methods for success in business.  He’s done the work for you by going to seminars hosted by Jordan Belfort and Tony Robbins and shares his thoughts and experiences. 

Keep reading, and you will learn what your past says about you.  You will learn some uncomfortable truths about your place in the world and just how much entitlement you have to aspects of life.  You will learn what your frame of mind is and how to change it.  You will reframe concepts of fear, shame, and what rules life set on you. 

I had a lot I planned to do today, but when I got to the “”The Wolf of Wall Street” Jordan Belfort’s “4 Keys for life success” portion I became obsessed with finishing the book today.  I reached one point where I highlighted this as a quote, and left it there, because it hit so strongly with me. 

“You are not your past, you are the resources and capabilities you glean for it.  That is the basis of change.  If you survived the worst of the worse and are still breathing, you can learn from that.” 

Being someone who nearly died due to past decisions, that hit home with me. 

As someone facing uncertainty right now over a paycheck, the same with Mike’s observations on “Disowning Fear.”

When you reach the end of “Danger and Play,” you will be disappointed, just like with “Gorilla Mindset” because it’s over.  But you will have reached, read, and comprehended some of the most powerful observations that can enrich your life. 

You can buy Mike’s book here.